It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
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Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
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I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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