I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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