grandma shit on top of the toilet
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
God I need to hump something, right now.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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