we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
