UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
