I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
