i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina