So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.