He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
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He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
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Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though