I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention