My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
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Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
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How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.