I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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