I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I need to stop coming to work sober
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
