I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
