I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
