She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
