She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
