Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
