Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
