You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
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Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
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he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
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