wrigley field is MILF paradise
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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