The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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