For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
