when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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