He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
