I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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