i jhust puked up my retainher.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
