perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
