but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
