I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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