I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
