He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
