I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
