I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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