John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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