Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
