I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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