You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
