If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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