I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
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How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
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Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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