We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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