So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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