Im at strip club and am horny
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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