Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
