If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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