The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
