You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
