sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
