Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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