Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize