Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
