You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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