im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
