I molested 6 butterflies tonight
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
