So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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