I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
