I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
