M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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