I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
