Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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