Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
