I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
